I am in South Carolina this week...to see my first Grand-baby...a beautiful girl. She weighed in at 9 lbs 7oz and 20.25".  yep she's a big girl and oh so cute. With the trip prep and all the excitement with the baby I have missed some computer time. 

It is an emotional experience seeing your first Grand-baby being born.  So many thoughts went through my head and heart.  I was excited and sad. I hate to admit that I felt sad.  I couldn't help thinking that I would not see her grow up.  Would she remember me?  How much time would I have to get to know her. 

I don't want to think that way. I want to enjoy every good thing and not worry about the future...it will come soon enough.  But those thoughts creep in and reality smacks me in the face.  I wonder what is best...facing reality....or escaping it till the last possible moment.

I think it is easier to pretend everything is ok and put away the fears and sorrows as long as I can. I prefer to be ok right now. Since I feel ok why not? However...I am aware that I am at risk in certain situations, like driving somewhere and getting lost. And I know that I repeat myself a lot. Most people are kind enough to let that go. But I am going to get more annoying and that embarrasses me already.  But when I think of being in a state of obliviousness (is that a word?) I realize that it could be its own kind of hell.

What do you feel when you are "memory impaired".  I think right now that I don't want to know.

 One of these days I may know, but I won't be able to tell you.