Merry Christmas!
It is a cloudy day in South Carolina, but not so cold. Hope you are warm. It is wonderful to be with family, especially with our kids and our granddaughter. By Saturday we will all be together and I am looking forward to that. We have gifts under the tree, and the smell of turkey roasting. It doesn't matter what we get, it is just wonderful to be together. Hope that you are having a wonderful time as well.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Old Poetry
No news is good news on the head shots! If there were tumors in my brain they would have immediately contacted us. I've got my hearing aid and love it. I can hear again!
Meanwhile, I am going through my old school stuff. I found some poems and stories that I wrote when I was 10 or so. That was the beginning of my poet career which survived through High School. Unfortunately in college I studied all the masters and realized I was not so good. ; {
These are my earliest! (10 yo )
AUTUMN LEAVES
Autumn leaves are falling, falling,
Red green and brown.
Pittering, Pattering, chittering, chattering on the soft ground.
You rake them up in a big, big pile
Bout two fee high
Then play in them for a long, long while
And listen to them sigh
I love Autumn leaves.
Kathy
Meanwhile, I am going through my old school stuff. I found some poems and stories that I wrote when I was 10 or so. That was the beginning of my poet career which survived through High School. Unfortunately in college I studied all the masters and realized I was not so good. ; {
These are my earliest! (10 yo )
AUTUMN LEAVES
Autumn leaves are falling, falling,
Red green and brown.
Pittering, Pattering, chittering, chattering on the soft ground.
You rake them up in a big, big pile
Bout two fee high
Then play in them for a long, long while
And listen to them sigh
I love Autumn leaves.
Kathy
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Almost done with tests.
So what is left? I had an MRI Friday night so they could rule out tumors and such. Once that comes through I will be done with medical tests, I hope. Then the mental test, which I call pure torture, comes back to haunt me again. Lots of pictures, math problems, comparisons and questions to see how your memory and brain are functioning. I have to take it again because the first test was done by a government official, and they do not share their records with anyone! Period!
Once I get that over (the first was about 3 hours and I was exhausted) I think I will be free!
If there are no tumors, I will be diagnosed with early onset alzheimer's. Wouldn't it be cool if there was a miracle that made everything go away! At least we are getting down to the answer.
Thanks for your prayers.
Once I get that over (the first was about 3 hours and I was exhausted) I think I will be free!
If there are no tumors, I will be diagnosed with early onset alzheimer's. Wouldn't it be cool if there was a miracle that made everything go away! At least we are getting down to the answer.
Thanks for your prayers.
These past months have been full of doctor appointments, and playing with my granddaughter - Rosie. Rosie keeps my spirits up while I wait for and undergo several tests. I already mentioned the test that the government uses to determine if I was disabled. That came back positive.
Next I started with a full physical and flu shots and blood tests to see about my overall health. The usual stuff. I had a hearing test, which led to getting a hearing aid. That was the best thing ever! I was diagnosed over 20 years ago with Meniers disease. Nothing they can do for it. Gradually you lose the hearing in one ear. Mine was my left.
It is genetic and my Grandmother had it. I was told that it comes down only from the maternal grandmother. Once they rule out all other possibilities and do a nerve test you know you have it.
Now, years later, my hearing in the left ear has been declining steadily. I finally came to the point where I could no longer hear out of the left ear at all.
So what happened next? My husband called all four brothers and pleaded his cause. "Could you donate to a hearing aid for your sister? I am getting hoarse yelling at her. ; )
All fou brtothers put into the kitty. This is no a small thing. Hearing aids are usually in the thousands dollar range. Mine was over $1,500.
I have it for almost 2 weeks and go in tomorrow to have it fine tuned. So far so good! I love it and everyone else is so happy they can use their normal voices.
Thanks guys!!!!!
Next I started with a full physical and flu shots and blood tests to see about my overall health. The usual stuff. I had a hearing test, which led to getting a hearing aid. That was the best thing ever! I was diagnosed over 20 years ago with Meniers disease. Nothing they can do for it. Gradually you lose the hearing in one ear. Mine was my left.
It is genetic and my Grandmother had it. I was told that it comes down only from the maternal grandmother. Once they rule out all other possibilities and do a nerve test you know you have it.
Now, years later, my hearing in the left ear has been declining steadily. I finally came to the point where I could no longer hear out of the left ear at all.
So what happened next? My husband called all four brothers and pleaded his cause. "Could you donate to a hearing aid for your sister? I am getting hoarse yelling at her. ; )
All fou brtothers put into the kitty. This is no a small thing. Hearing aids are usually in the thousands dollar range. Mine was over $1,500.
I have it for almost 2 weeks and go in tomorrow to have it fine tuned. So far so good! I love it and everyone else is so happy they can use their normal voices.
Thanks guys!!!!!
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
What to do now
In late August I went for my official assessment. Jeff, after filling out a major stack of forms, took me to see a specialist to determine disability vs ability. This guy does nothing but test and evaluates brains ....and after 2+ hours I was so exhausted that I slept the rest of the day. Remember your SATs.....this was that on steroids.
A few weeks later...voila. ...I am officially disabled. I wish I wasn't. I kept hoping they would find me ok.
Just to let you know....I am still me....with a very bad memory. Feel free....PLEASE....to share memories with me. I would love to hear from you....my friends.
At this point...short term memory is rotten. Old memories are pretty good. Don't ask me for directions or the date. I couldn't remember a list of paired words...even though he told me over and over.
Where does this take me?
Straight to my computer and the Family History Center to find family members hitherto unknown.
; )
Saturday, July 19, 2014
KC here we come
Well July is here and almost gone. Besides seeing the best fireworks I have ever seen!...yep...Summerville SC knows how to put on a show!
I have finished a crocheted afghan for my daughter. ..who I will see in a week in KC. Yep we are headed back to my home for a visit. We are planning to take my daughter-in-law to all the sites since this is her first time to KC. We plan to see the Arabia Steamboat museum...the best museum in town. Probably Nelson Art Gallery since she loves modern art. Not sure what else...suggestions?
My health update - have to be evaluated in a few weeks. I am feeling well...but the short term memory is worsening quickly.
Its embarassing when I get the "ryk" look. Which response is best? -"yes I am clueless"....or
"No... I'm trying to annoy every one I meet."
jk
I have finished a crocheted afghan for my daughter. ..who I will see in a week in KC. Yep we are headed back to my home for a visit. We are planning to take my daughter-in-law to all the sites since this is her first time to KC. We plan to see the Arabia Steamboat museum...the best museum in town. Probably Nelson Art Gallery since she loves modern art. Not sure what else...suggestions?
My health update - have to be evaluated in a few weeks. I am feeling well...but the short term memory is worsening quickly.
Its embarassing when I get the "ryk" look. Which response is best? -"yes I am clueless"....or
"No... I'm trying to annoy every one I meet."
jk
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Its a beautiful day
I went for a walk today. In order to do so I had to check with my son, draw a map of my route, and take my phone with me. That's because I get lost easily.
And that is because the brain matter affected by my dementia is in the spatial area. What that means, as far as I understand, is that I am confused about direction, time, and place. I can't remember what day it is, let alone the date. I don't keep track of time either. Everything having to do with time and space is foggy and confusing. I am glad that I can communicate, write, and listen.... but don't ask me for directions ; ).
Of course I have a hard time remembering things. That's a given at my age! I am always putting things down and then trying to remember where I put them. But that is a little different from Alzheimer's. I am aware of what I am forgetting. But with the Alzheimer's, I don't realize that I am doing it. My friends and family tell me what I am doing and it is like I am a stranger to myself. Everything that I experience gets muddled and I have to depend on others to tell me what I am doing. That's been the hardest part for me.... accepting that my conception of events, dates, activities, and experiences are skewed.
I pay tribute to my husband who answers all my questions when I get confused and lets me know that its ok. That's true love, and I am lucky to have him.
And that is because the brain matter affected by my dementia is in the spatial area. What that means, as far as I understand, is that I am confused about direction, time, and place. I can't remember what day it is, let alone the date. I don't keep track of time either. Everything having to do with time and space is foggy and confusing. I am glad that I can communicate, write, and listen.... but don't ask me for directions ; ).
Of course I have a hard time remembering things. That's a given at my age! I am always putting things down and then trying to remember where I put them. But that is a little different from Alzheimer's. I am aware of what I am forgetting. But with the Alzheimer's, I don't realize that I am doing it. My friends and family tell me what I am doing and it is like I am a stranger to myself. Everything that I experience gets muddled and I have to depend on others to tell me what I am doing. That's been the hardest part for me.... accepting that my conception of events, dates, activities, and experiences are skewed.
I pay tribute to my husband who answers all my questions when I get confused and lets me know that its ok. That's true love, and I am lucky to have him.
long time coming
March 31, 2014
This page wasn't published because our internet wasn't working in Spokane but I wanted to stick it in, even though it is out of order. is there a way to reorder posts?
It has been a busy time for us. We were packing and cleaning and preparing for our big move from Spokane to South Carolina. We drove across the country, stopping for a respite in Kansas City to visit our daughter. We are settled in with our son's family. This way I can be cared for as I slow down and need more constant care.
This is a big change. The weather here is nice, more like what I was used to in KC growing up. The people are charming, warm and open. Now it is for me to deal with things as best I can. I am doing well... the memory is bad and I can't keep track of the days, sometimes I forget the month. My husband worries over me. That is both comforting and annoying. He sees that I am getting worse but I feel the same for the most part. This is where the trust issue is so important. I am struggling with this. I don't like having restrictions on me.
This page wasn't published because our internet wasn't working in Spokane but I wanted to stick it in, even though it is out of order. is there a way to reorder posts?
It has been a busy time for us. We were packing and cleaning and preparing for our big move from Spokane to South Carolina. We drove across the country, stopping for a respite in Kansas City to visit our daughter. We are settled in with our son's family. This way I can be cared for as I slow down and need more constant care.
This is a big change. The weather here is nice, more like what I was used to in KC growing up. The people are charming, warm and open. Now it is for me to deal with things as best I can. I am doing well... the memory is bad and I can't keep track of the days, sometimes I forget the month. My husband worries over me. That is both comforting and annoying. He sees that I am getting worse but I feel the same for the most part. This is where the trust issue is so important. I am struggling with this. I don't like having restrictions on me.
Subtle Changes
I have been aware of my confusion for awhile, but it seems that there are new things creeping up that are aggravating. 😒
First, I am not certain about order of operations. What comes first? I don't mean in math, just in every day tasks. I have to stop and think, for instance, whether to turn on the water for my shower. What was automatic is now a step by step process. Okay now I need to get undressed. Ok I am in the shower. Lets see, I guess I will wash my hair, or should I uh.... scrub???....really....!!!!. Not automatic anymore. It is that way with each little chore or decision. I have a bit of a pause and some confusion. I don't think it happens with everything but it seems to creep up with rather mundane stuff. Those actions that were formerly automatic are now a bit more complicated. I can still do them... just have to slow down 😉 and think it through.
My granddaughter keeps my spirits up. She is a cuddly happy girl and my spirits pick up when I hug her and she smiles at me. She has so many expressions, the pouting lip, and the big smile, a smirk, and even a mischievous grin. At four months old, she already communicates with and commands us all!
Reality hit on Sunday when a sister at church asked me what I had. Word has spread in our new Ward. (I am a Mormon, or more properly, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We are nicknamed Mormons because we believe that the Book of Mormon is a holy scripture along with the Bible and we call each other brother and sister because we are all children of God.) Well this sister came up and inquired about my health. I told her that I had dementia and immediately she knew. Turns out she was a nurse. The words came out of her mouth, "early onset" and I started to cry. Most of the time people have no clue but she knew. You see, early onset dementia is a fast killer. 1 - 3 years.
First, I am not certain about order of operations. What comes first? I don't mean in math, just in every day tasks. I have to stop and think, for instance, whether to turn on the water for my shower. What was automatic is now a step by step process. Okay now I need to get undressed. Ok I am in the shower. Lets see, I guess I will wash my hair, or should I uh.... scrub???....really....!!!!. Not automatic anymore. It is that way with each little chore or decision. I have a bit of a pause and some confusion. I don't think it happens with everything but it seems to creep up with rather mundane stuff. Those actions that were formerly automatic are now a bit more complicated. I can still do them... just have to slow down 😉 and think it through.
My granddaughter keeps my spirits up. She is a cuddly happy girl and my spirits pick up when I hug her and she smiles at me. She has so many expressions, the pouting lip, and the big smile, a smirk, and even a mischievous grin. At four months old, she already communicates with and commands us all!
Reality hit on Sunday when a sister at church asked me what I had. Word has spread in our new Ward. (I am a Mormon, or more properly, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We are nicknamed Mormons because we believe that the Book of Mormon is a holy scripture along with the Bible and we call each other brother and sister because we are all children of God.) Well this sister came up and inquired about my health. I told her that I had dementia and immediately she knew. Turns out she was a nurse. The words came out of her mouth, "early onset" and I started to cry. Most of the time people have no clue but she knew. You see, early onset dementia is a fast killer. 1 - 3 years.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Friday, April 18, 2014
Catching up
Much has been happening in my life. My husband and I moved from Washington state to South Carolina. There was so much work... we did it ourselves, with some help from our dear friends- thanks so much to you all. It is an exhausting job and I took some recovery time to feel myself again.
Moving to a new place isn't easy... things are not familiar, and your stuff is in boxes where you can't find them. At best, moving is a great big headache, but for me it was close to a nightmare. I don't know where my things are. Nothing is familiar. I am anxious to open boxes and find my stuff, but I can't get to it yet. I feel lost right now, as far as having my familiar things. I want to get to my Scrapbooking and pictures. I want to make sure that my life story is done. I want to feel productive.
So I find stuff to do for the meantime. I have organized my purse, watched some shows on Netflix, exercised, started reading Three Musketeers, and spent time with my grandbaby, my husband, my son and my daughter in law (who is a marvelous mom) and dream about setting up my scrapbooking station somewhere. I pray daily that my time may be extended so that I can finish my own story, and hope to find out more about my ancestors, whom I will have the privilege to see someday. I imagine that these projects will keep me out of trouble.
Moving to a new place isn't easy... things are not familiar, and your stuff is in boxes where you can't find them. At best, moving is a great big headache, but for me it was close to a nightmare. I don't know where my things are. Nothing is familiar. I am anxious to open boxes and find my stuff, but I can't get to it yet. I feel lost right now, as far as having my familiar things. I want to get to my Scrapbooking and pictures. I want to make sure that my life story is done. I want to feel productive.
So I find stuff to do for the meantime. I have organized my purse, watched some shows on Netflix, exercised, started reading Three Musketeers, and spent time with my grandbaby, my husband, my son and my daughter in law (who is a marvelous mom) and dream about setting up my scrapbooking station somewhere. I pray daily that my time may be extended so that I can finish my own story, and hope to find out more about my ancestors, whom I will have the privilege to see someday. I imagine that these projects will keep me out of trouble.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Life's Greatest Gift is Life
I am a Grandma! This is my first grandbaby and what an experience. I barely got there in time to see her birth. There are no words to describe it.
I have decided that it is high time to do some writing on my blog. I am in South Carolina to meet my first grandchild. I arrived in time to see her born and I love her with all my heart. She is exquisite! My life has been full of grandma things, like changing diapers, hugging and holding and snuggling. I have also done some reading and played Bunko for the first time. It was a lot of fun!
We were caught in the big southern ice storm this week and had no power for almost 3 days. Of course we were cuddling the baby, as well as wearing our own layers of clothes and blankets around us to keep warm.
Oh how I love this sweet little girl.
When she is napping, I am learning how to use my Windows Surface RT. I am having a difficult time. I really don't think that is because of my Alzheimer's, since so many others have told me they think its not so easy for them as well. How ever, I couldn't fit my desktop in my bags. 😊
I am noticing 2 things that scare me, though. I am struggling to find words and communicate. Everyday common words get stuck and won't come to me. I also am noticing something more frightening. I have this déjà vu thing happening. It is creepy. Several times a day I feel like I've already done this before. I feel like a place is familiar or that I knew that someone was saying or doing some thing that I knew they were going to do before they said it. I can't make much sense of it. It is spooky because I am sure that I have already been there or heard that, but others tell me that I am mistaken.
Which brings up the reality that I am already dependent on others. I am unable to sort out events and thoughts without someone's help. Can I trust others to constantly guide me? What happens when I can't remember them! How will I know who to trust? Oh I don't like this at all. I know well that my family loves me, but will my mind know that in a year or two? This really scares me.
I do believe something that is important to me. I believe in a Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me.
Will I be able to feel comforted by him as I begin to forget who I am. Will I still know him?
We were caught in the big southern ice storm this week and had no power for almost 3 days. Of course we were cuddling the baby, as well as wearing our own layers of clothes and blankets around us to keep warm.
Oh how I love this sweet little girl.
When she is napping, I am learning how to use my Windows Surface RT. I am having a difficult time. I really don't think that is because of my Alzheimer's, since so many others have told me they think its not so easy for them as well. How ever, I couldn't fit my desktop in my bags. 😊
I am noticing 2 things that scare me, though. I am struggling to find words and communicate. Everyday common words get stuck and won't come to me. I also am noticing something more frightening. I have this déjà vu thing happening. It is creepy. Several times a day I feel like I've already done this before. I feel like a place is familiar or that I knew that someone was saying or doing some thing that I knew they were going to do before they said it. I can't make much sense of it. It is spooky because I am sure that I have already been there or heard that, but others tell me that I am mistaken.
Which brings up the reality that I am already dependent on others. I am unable to sort out events and thoughts without someone's help. Can I trust others to constantly guide me? What happens when I can't remember them! How will I know who to trust? Oh I don't like this at all. I know well that my family loves me, but will my mind know that in a year or two? This really scares me.
I do believe something that is important to me. I believe in a Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me.
Will I be able to feel comforted by him as I begin to forget who I am. Will I still know him?
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
I am in South Carolina this week...to see my first Grand-baby...a beautiful girl. She weighed in at 9 lbs 7oz and 20.25". yep she's a big girl and oh so cute. With the trip prep and all the excitement with the baby I have missed some computer time.
It is an emotional experience seeing your first Grand-baby being born. So many thoughts went through my head and heart. I was excited and sad. I hate to admit that I felt sad. I couldn't help thinking that I would not see her grow up. Would she remember me? How much time would I have to get to know her.
I don't want to think that way. I want to enjoy every good thing and not worry about the future...it will come soon enough. But those thoughts creep in and reality smacks me in the face. I wonder what is best...facing reality....or escaping it till the last possible moment.
I think it is easier to pretend everything is ok and put away the fears and sorrows as long as I can. I prefer to be ok right now. Since I feel ok why not? However...I am aware that I am at risk in certain situations, like driving somewhere and getting lost. And I know that I repeat myself a lot. Most people are kind enough to let that go. But I am going to get more annoying and that embarrasses me already. But when I think of being in a state of obliviousness (is that a word?) I realize that it could be its own kind of hell.
What do you feel when you are "memory impaired". I think right now that I don't want to know.
One of these days I may know, but I won't be able to tell you.
It is an emotional experience seeing your first Grand-baby being born. So many thoughts went through my head and heart. I was excited and sad. I hate to admit that I felt sad. I couldn't help thinking that I would not see her grow up. Would she remember me? How much time would I have to get to know her.
I don't want to think that way. I want to enjoy every good thing and not worry about the future...it will come soon enough. But those thoughts creep in and reality smacks me in the face. I wonder what is best...facing reality....or escaping it till the last possible moment.
I think it is easier to pretend everything is ok and put away the fears and sorrows as long as I can. I prefer to be ok right now. Since I feel ok why not? However...I am aware that I am at risk in certain situations, like driving somewhere and getting lost. And I know that I repeat myself a lot. Most people are kind enough to let that go. But I am going to get more annoying and that embarrasses me already. But when I think of being in a state of obliviousness (is that a word?) I realize that it could be its own kind of hell.
What do you feel when you are "memory impaired". I think right now that I don't want to know.
One of these days I may know, but I won't be able to tell you.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
The New Year
It is always great to start a new year with snow! But, I feel bad for those in the Midwest who had the freezing wind chills the past few days. Stay warm family and friends!
As part of my own mantra, I took 2 weeks off for the holidays. I hope that your holiday was enjoyable and slow. I hope that you savored the best of it - the friends, family, gifts, lights, packages and joy. It really is a great time to celebrate!
Now that we are entering 2014, it's time to get busy. What do you want this year? Where do you want to be in January 2015? Resolve to make this year better. Here are some things to think about:
Are you too busy? Make a list of all the things that matter most to you and make them come first. Put the list in a conspicuous place. Look at it before you commit to anything.
Make sure that you are keeping the most important things at the top of your priorities.
Practice saying - "Let me check my calendar" or "I'll have to pass" or "No, but thank you for asking me".
Give yourself some time. Make personal goals that keep you moving forward. Be good to yourself. The best way to do that is to make improvements. Not the things that others would desire, but the improvements that you want. Deep down in your heart you have ambitions, hopes, ideas. Take something from these and plan to pursue them. Choose wisely. Don't sacrifice what is most important!
For me, Family is more important than anything else. I want my family to know that I love them. I want to help them when I can. I want to give them support and comfort. I have great joy when I see my loved ones happy. Maybe that sounds crazy and old fashioned, but happiness truly comes with love and understanding of the ones closest to you.
I wish for you a Happy New Year and many wonderful moments and memories that will make it a good year.
Happy 2014
It is always great to start a new year with snow! But, I feel bad for those in the Midwest who had the freezing wind chills the past few days. Stay warm family and friends!
As part of my own mantra, I took 2 weeks off for the holidays. I hope that your holiday was enjoyable and slow. I hope that you savored the best of it - the friends, family, gifts, lights, packages and joy. It really is a great time to celebrate!
Now that we are entering 2014, it's time to get busy. What do you want this year? Where do you want to be in January 2015? Resolve to make this year better. Here are some things to think about:
Are you too busy? Make a list of all the things that matter most to you and make them come first. Put the list in a conspicuous place. Look at it before you commit to anything.
Make sure that you are keeping the most important things at the top of your priorities.
Practice saying - "Let me check my calendar" or "I'll have to pass" or "No, but thank you for asking me".
Give yourself some time. Make personal goals that keep you moving forward. Be good to yourself. The best way to do that is to make improvements. Not the things that others would desire, but the improvements that you want. Deep down in your heart you have ambitions, hopes, ideas. Take something from these and plan to pursue them. Choose wisely. Don't sacrifice what is most important!
For me, Family is more important than anything else. I want my family to know that I love them. I want to help them when I can. I want to give them support and comfort. I have great joy when I see my loved ones happy. Maybe that sounds crazy and old fashioned, but happiness truly comes with love and understanding of the ones closest to you.
I wish for you a Happy New Year and many wonderful moments and memories that will make it a good year.
Happy 2014
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