Leaves on Trees

Monday, November 25, 2013

Just got back from my Doctor’s appointment.  I am happy to say that the medicine I am on seems to be helping!  It is called “Donepezil HCL” and is used for Alzheimer’s patients with good success.  I have been on it for about a month, and noticed that it was taking the edge off my confusion.  

It is hard to describe, really.  I can relate it to needing glasses.  I was in second grade when I got my first pair of glasses.  Till then trees were big green things to me, but when I put on my new glasses for the first time I saw leaves.  I was so excited to see the leaves on the trees!  They had different shapes and funny edges and fluttered individually in the breeze. 

Just previous to my diagnosis I took up reading one of my favorite books – “The Count of Monte Cristo” for the ?nth time and found that I could not grasp what I was reading.  Nothing more frustrating than reading something you cannot understand!   There are so many characters to track and plots to follow....I was afraid that my favorite pass time for all my life – reading great books – was no longer enjoyable.  I even thought of tossing my books out – not a small task since I have five 6 ft high bookcases full of books.

Last week I picked the book up to try again.  It was like the medicine took the edge off the confusion.  I am enjoying reading about my favorite Count once again. 

For now I will celebrate this victory and read all I can and enjoy it with all the gusto I can.  For an avid reader – that is a lot of gusto.  I feel like getting all my books out and reading every one!  :)

Happy Reading Everybody!

My Wishes

It has happened again....

Those of you who have known me the past 10 years will not be surprised.  Rather, you will think to yourselves – Again!!?!  Well, it is true.  I have met with my nemesis once again, and once again I lost.  Don’t worry, there are no broken bones-  Just bruises and frustration.   If there were any home that exists that had NO stairs, I would move there immediately. 

Honestly, it is ridiculous!  I was not so clumsy as a child.  I believe my recent diagnosis may answer my own “why” questions a bit.  But add to that Meniere’s Disease and you have a 2 punch in the gut.  I inherited Meniere’s from my grandmother.  It affects balance and hearing.  I was diagnosed with it some time ago, but it has come on so gradually that I hardly think of it.  I believe it is adding to my frustrations now. 

Wishing is fun sometimes, when you can’t change it otherwise.  So, other than a house with no stairs, I would love to have a few other things. The next wish would be for a private jet so that I could freely visit my children and grandchildren on a whim.  And while I am at it, I might as well wish for a new car, with anti-accident gadgets throughout.  And please add to that a fully functioning brain for the car to take me anywhere I want to go, and never get lost!

I know that I cannot wish away all the tough things in life.  Many of those past experiences have made me strong, resilient, and more determined.  I come by it honestly, you see – the determination. I got it from Grandma Johnson along with the Meniere’s.  She lost her husband at an early age, and raised her large family on her own.  She worked hard, prayed a lot, and never gave up her sense of humor.  She lived to be 93!  Thanks Grandma for your example.  I will stay tough and determined.  I will continue to make do the best I can with what the Lord has given me.  Love you Grandma!

Providence

Over the past 3 months we have moved, started new jobs, set up our household, and found out that I have dementia.  It is overwhelming as I sit here thinking about it.  

Things are just beginning to settle down for me.  I feel less rushed, more relaxed, and more content.  Part of it is taking time to write my thoughts down.  And of course, leaving my job.  Actually it was an internship, and I was working on upgrading my skills.  However,  I found that I was running in circles - in my brain - and couldn't accomplish what I wanted.  Very frustrating for me.

Some have asked how I was diagnosed.  Basically, the doctor took some blood  samples and questioned my husband about my actions, forgetfulness, etc.  He asked me a few simple questions, too - what's the day, the date, the year?  What did you eat for breakfast?  Draw a clock  that shows the time 3:15.  I didn't pass.

There were so many things that I was not aware of - I felt perfectly fine.  But I was losing chunks of information without knowing they were gone. It  was like trying to build a puzzle without all the pieces there. They were leaving big holes in the picture.  

I am experiencing deja vu as well.  Sometimes things seem familiar to me - like seeing a stranger across the street and recognizing them. Never mind that they were total strangers in a big city.  It's almost like my brain is stuttering.  Very weird to experience.

I will be seeing a neurologist in January.  At that time I will be thoroughly tested.  Don't know what that will entail and don't know what will be discovered.  

 I am still very grateful that I can write down my thoughts and share them.  This fuzziness in my brain makes it difficult for me to know what day it is, and what I ate for breakfast this morning, but I still can put personal thoughts together.  I can express myself in writing.  That is Providence!  And I am grateful. 

One more thing...

Just can't hold back, gotta say it!!!

Go Chiefs!

It is normal, I am sure, to reminisce when you get older, and when you get this kind of news about your health.  I have found myself thinking about old school buddies, teachers, and other people who have had a profound influence on me - like my own family.  And I have heard from many of you, helping me go over great memories in my life.  I really enjoy that.  It reminds me of the good things.  I have had great friends, learning opportunities, and lots of fun.

Just to list a few:

Church Dance Festivals and Road Shows - I remember the one we did about the founding fathers as kids.  All the girls played their mothers.  The idea was they were normal, sometimes bratty, kids before they grew up.  We had so much fun with that little play.  We had to sing and dance a bit, and that really was the funny part.  We managed to pull it off and gave a great show, whew!

I remember Hillcrest Jr. High Study Hour, when a few of us would play cards together.  Can't remember what we played exactly, but we had fun talking and not studying. (I got most of my homework done at home, late at night.)  I was a night owl.

I remember playing on the JV Volleyball Team at Shawnee Mission West High School - Go Vikings!

I absolutely loved singing in the choir.  I was in choir from 6th grade to 12th grade.  So many concerts and songs and so much fun.  Really good memories!

And of course, those early morning Seminary classes.  That was a scripture study class for Mormons, as we are commonly known.  The real name of our church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  We got up for an early morning class - I think it started at 6am - and studied the Gospel of Jesus Christ before we went to school.  I am not a morning person so it was really hard for me, but I made it through all 4 years!

I grew up in a great place - Overland Park, Kansas.  Incorporated in 1960 with about 28,000 residents it covered 13 square miles.  Now it is over 90 square miles and the population is near 175,000  (2010 census). I hope to go back and visit there, but if I don't get that chance, I want to say HEY! to all my OP friends, wherever you are.

Dementia is an Ugly word

My first thought when the doctor said it.

 "Dang that's an ugly word!" 
 
Now-- I have a BA in English and I love words!  I really do look things up in the dictionary to get their correct spelling, meaning and character. Words have personality all their own. Some are beautiful, or lilting or funny.  But this word was ugly, like a swear word.  

It made me cringe.   "DEMENTIA".    I could not get over  how ugly that word was.  When I got home I looked it up in the dictionary-  sure enough I liked it even less.

Latin - "Without mind", "Madness"

de      -without

ment  -the root of mens "mind"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dementia

Merriam Webster

Origin of DEMENTIA

Latin, from dement-, demens mad, from de- + ment-, mensmind — more at mind

First Known Use: 1806

Of course they had to bring up demons. ;(

I get to slow down

Something happened to me this week...

I've been given the gift of slowing down. I plan to make the most of this gift.  

At first I did not think of it as a gift.  I was devastated to hear the doctor's diagnosis.  You see, I am experiencing dementia. 

If you don't know anything about dementia, I will tell you what I know so far.  It is a symptom of a serious brain condition.  There are many conditions that cause dementia. To find out my particular "Brain Disease" I will go to a Neurologist (Brain Doctor) and have further tests.  That's all I know for now.

It crept up on me very slowly.  I wasn't even aware of some of the things I was experiencing.  When I forgot a name or a street, I figured it was normal at my age.  (By the way, I am a very young 53.)  But my husband didn't miss it.  He mostly kept it to himself.  I didn't want to hear it, that's for sure.  When people would look at me funny I was sure they were the one with a problem.  I didn't feel different.  I didn't even know that I was doing anything different.  I thought, "Man, people can be so judgmental!"  (Now there's a good subject for a future post.)

Then some friends sat down with me and expressed  their concern.  Armed with examples, they kindly let me in on a little secret - "psst, there is something wrong with you!"  (For some reason it is easier to hear it from your friends than your husband.)   -sorry dear.

I am beginning a new journey.  I get to learn something new.  Most of all, I get to slow down.  No more rushing, hurrying, fretting, driving, stressing.  

I GET TO SLOW DOWN!