I went for a walk today. In order to do so I had to check with my son, draw a map of my route, and take my phone with me. That's because I get lost easily.
And that is because the brain matter affected by my dementia is in the spatial area. What that means, as far as I understand, is that I am confused about direction, time, and place. I can't remember what day it is, let alone the date. I don't keep track of time either. Everything having to do with time and space is foggy and confusing. I am glad that I can communicate, write, and listen.... but don't ask me for directions ; ).
Of course I have a hard time remembering things. That's a given at my age! I am always putting things down and then trying to remember where I put them. But that is a little different from Alzheimer's. I am aware of what I am forgetting. But with the Alzheimer's, I don't realize that I am doing it. My friends and family tell me what I am doing and it is like I am a stranger to myself. Everything that I experience gets muddled and I have to depend on others to tell me what I am doing. That's been the hardest part for me.... accepting that my conception of events, dates, activities, and experiences are skewed.
I pay tribute to my husband who answers all my questions when I get confused and lets me know that its ok. That's true love, and I am lucky to have him.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
long time coming
March 31, 2014
This page wasn't published because our internet wasn't working in Spokane but I wanted to stick it in, even though it is out of order. is there a way to reorder posts?
It has been a busy time for us. We were packing and cleaning and preparing for our big move from Spokane to South Carolina. We drove across the country, stopping for a respite in Kansas City to visit our daughter. We are settled in with our son's family. This way I can be cared for as I slow down and need more constant care.
This is a big change. The weather here is nice, more like what I was used to in KC growing up. The people are charming, warm and open. Now it is for me to deal with things as best I can. I am doing well... the memory is bad and I can't keep track of the days, sometimes I forget the month. My husband worries over me. That is both comforting and annoying. He sees that I am getting worse but I feel the same for the most part. This is where the trust issue is so important. I am struggling with this. I don't like having restrictions on me.
This page wasn't published because our internet wasn't working in Spokane but I wanted to stick it in, even though it is out of order. is there a way to reorder posts?
It has been a busy time for us. We were packing and cleaning and preparing for our big move from Spokane to South Carolina. We drove across the country, stopping for a respite in Kansas City to visit our daughter. We are settled in with our son's family. This way I can be cared for as I slow down and need more constant care.
This is a big change. The weather here is nice, more like what I was used to in KC growing up. The people are charming, warm and open. Now it is for me to deal with things as best I can. I am doing well... the memory is bad and I can't keep track of the days, sometimes I forget the month. My husband worries over me. That is both comforting and annoying. He sees that I am getting worse but I feel the same for the most part. This is where the trust issue is so important. I am struggling with this. I don't like having restrictions on me.
Subtle Changes
I have been aware of my confusion for awhile, but it seems that there are new things creeping up that are aggravating. 😒
First, I am not certain about order of operations. What comes first? I don't mean in math, just in every day tasks. I have to stop and think, for instance, whether to turn on the water for my shower. What was automatic is now a step by step process. Okay now I need to get undressed. Ok I am in the shower. Lets see, I guess I will wash my hair, or should I uh.... scrub???....really....!!!!. Not automatic anymore. It is that way with each little chore or decision. I have a bit of a pause and some confusion. I don't think it happens with everything but it seems to creep up with rather mundane stuff. Those actions that were formerly automatic are now a bit more complicated. I can still do them... just have to slow down 😉 and think it through.
My granddaughter keeps my spirits up. She is a cuddly happy girl and my spirits pick up when I hug her and she smiles at me. She has so many expressions, the pouting lip, and the big smile, a smirk, and even a mischievous grin. At four months old, she already communicates with and commands us all!
Reality hit on Sunday when a sister at church asked me what I had. Word has spread in our new Ward. (I am a Mormon, or more properly, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We are nicknamed Mormons because we believe that the Book of Mormon is a holy scripture along with the Bible and we call each other brother and sister because we are all children of God.) Well this sister came up and inquired about my health. I told her that I had dementia and immediately she knew. Turns out she was a nurse. The words came out of her mouth, "early onset" and I started to cry. Most of the time people have no clue but she knew. You see, early onset dementia is a fast killer. 1 - 3 years.
First, I am not certain about order of operations. What comes first? I don't mean in math, just in every day tasks. I have to stop and think, for instance, whether to turn on the water for my shower. What was automatic is now a step by step process. Okay now I need to get undressed. Ok I am in the shower. Lets see, I guess I will wash my hair, or should I uh.... scrub???....really....!!!!. Not automatic anymore. It is that way with each little chore or decision. I have a bit of a pause and some confusion. I don't think it happens with everything but it seems to creep up with rather mundane stuff. Those actions that were formerly automatic are now a bit more complicated. I can still do them... just have to slow down 😉 and think it through.
My granddaughter keeps my spirits up. She is a cuddly happy girl and my spirits pick up when I hug her and she smiles at me. She has so many expressions, the pouting lip, and the big smile, a smirk, and even a mischievous grin. At four months old, she already communicates with and commands us all!
Reality hit on Sunday when a sister at church asked me what I had. Word has spread in our new Ward. (I am a Mormon, or more properly, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We are nicknamed Mormons because we believe that the Book of Mormon is a holy scripture along with the Bible and we call each other brother and sister because we are all children of God.) Well this sister came up and inquired about my health. I told her that I had dementia and immediately she knew. Turns out she was a nurse. The words came out of her mouth, "early onset" and I started to cry. Most of the time people have no clue but she knew. You see, early onset dementia is a fast killer. 1 - 3 years.
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