Providence

Over the past 3 months we have moved, started new jobs, set up our household, and found out that I have dementia.  It is overwhelming as I sit here thinking about it.  

Things are just beginning to settle down for me.  I feel less rushed, more relaxed, and more content.  Part of it is taking time to write my thoughts down.  And of course, leaving my job.  Actually it was an internship, and I was working on upgrading my skills.  However,  I found that I was running in circles - in my brain - and couldn't accomplish what I wanted.  Very frustrating for me.

Some have asked how I was diagnosed.  Basically, the doctor took some blood  samples and questioned my husband about my actions, forgetfulness, etc.  He asked me a few simple questions, too - what's the day, the date, the year?  What did you eat for breakfast?  Draw a clock  that shows the time 3:15.  I didn't pass.

There were so many things that I was not aware of - I felt perfectly fine.  But I was losing chunks of information without knowing they were gone. It  was like trying to build a puzzle without all the pieces there. They were leaving big holes in the picture.  

I am experiencing deja vu as well.  Sometimes things seem familiar to me - like seeing a stranger across the street and recognizing them. Never mind that they were total strangers in a big city.  It's almost like my brain is stuttering.  Very weird to experience.

I will be seeing a neurologist in January.  At that time I will be thoroughly tested.  Don't know what that will entail and don't know what will be discovered.  

 I am still very grateful that I can write down my thoughts and share them.  This fuzziness in my brain makes it difficult for me to know what day it is, and what I ate for breakfast this morning, but I still can put personal thoughts together.  I can express myself in writing.  That is Providence!  And I am grateful.